“We waste so many days waiting for the weekend. So many nights wanting morning. Our lust for future comfort is the biggest thief of life.” – Joshua Glenn Clark
Writing makes me feel better.
This blog has sat idle for a long time. I miss writing so I have decided to write. Sometimes, life is that simple.
I recently picked up my life and moved it to the Northwest (sometimes, life isn’t so simple). I currently reside in Vancouver, BC, at my favorite community space, the neighborhood library. I think part of me doesn’t want to get a computer of any sort because then I wouldn’t get the privilege of walking through the rain and feeling the relief of a library. And because I know I can’t have nice things.
I am out here in Canada for a 1-year diploma program to become a Registered Holistic Nutritionist. I have been in school for a month and absolutely adore it. We had “spring break” a couple weeks ago and was pissed because I would have preferred be in class.
This past month of transition and “settling in” has been super weird for me, and almost a blur, so I thought it would behoooooove me to get my thoughts out of my head and onto a piece of paper. Turns out I don’t own any paper so here I am on the inter-webs. When I write, my thoughts begin to make sense — so that is the main drive of getting back in the saddle. I would hate for any moment in life to go by and feel like a blur, so this is my effort to gain back the last month.
I thrive on moving to places that I have never been, and to places where I don’t know anyone. It really gets me going, gets me excited. The nerves set in a few days before I hop on the plane, but they don’t last long. There is some fear of the unknown involved, but after hiking the PCT, I think I’ve become numb to that feeling. It only took 159 consecutive days of terror to desensitize it, but totally worth it because I didn’t really have time for “the fear of the unknown” this time around, I had goodbye parties to throw for myself, ya know? I highly recommend this bulletproof method.
My arrival into Canada was a “typical julie” — I arrived with nowhere to stay. My sublet cancelled last minute, so a friend connected me with another friends husbands sister (??)…basically, it was amazing. I arrived at their haunted house at 3:30AM and followed her instructions to go upstairs and sleep in the room with the 2 single beds. It was a very old house and there were padlocks on all the doors. The room was flooded with Pokemon, sleeping bags, a Darth Vador alarm clock, and an adorable welcome note with a banana and orange juice. It was creaky, creepy, and hilarious. I loved every second of that arrival. I woke up, met these amazingly generous ladies, and was given coffee and a scone. I should have seen something like this coming. I mean, on my first day of school I woke up on an Oreo themed pillowcase and in a room filled with stuffed animals and Super Mario posters, how could I not be excited after that! I clipped my bangs back, threw on my pastel pink stirrup pants, loaded my arms up with neon scrunchies, made a quick bologna and american cheese sammy and was ready to roll! It was all so bizarrely wonderful, and I felt right at home during those first few days with them.
After lots of effort, I found a fantastic sublet (although it ends May 1st :(.) I live in a 1bdr in the same neighborhood as my school. This is where it gets tricky. I thought I really wanted to live alone, say goodbye to roommates, and really focus on school. Now I am not so sure. It’s great most of the time, but at other times I feel like I have isolated myself. Here I am in a brand new city, in a brand new country, and I decide to live alone. It has its major perks, but with not having started work yet, I kind of feel a bit useless outside of school.
Speaking of work, I got a job, worked one shift, hated it, stressed about it for 3 days, and quit. I’m a quitter. I’m a “one-shifter.” It feels freakin’ fabulous. I am really bad at quitting things because I become loyal quite quickly. That goes for just about anything in my life. So even though they probably didn’t give a shit, I did. As if I’m THAT cool eh? Good news is that I just started another job. Something less stressful, with better hours, and in a more casual environment. It comes with free pastries and coffee. I should be just fine. Although having to set aside 3 minutes to walk there is going to become a real bear.
In terms of my social status, it’s going. I really like my classmates, and know in time there will be a few who will turn into really good friends. I am not one to rush into things (to an extent), and have found that the people I connect with right off the bat usually are the ones that also fizzle out the quickest. Good friends take time, and good friends are worth that time.
I have, however, been taken under the wing of a 60-year-old Aussie. Of course he came here on holiday 12 years ago and decided to stay to become part of the Canadian Snow-Shoeing team. He lives in my building and is the most helpful, enthusiastic, ultra-running, coffee loving guy in the world. I actually got home from work on my Birthday and there was a bag of race swag hanging on my doorknob from him. He designs race courses all over Vancouver and leads a trail running group twice a week. Since he is always working on running events, he drives a Chrysler MiniVan. He calls it a “shit-box” (remember, HEAVY Australian accent) and we ride around town in that baby. He has introduced me to a ton of crazy adventurous people and has me completely stressed out with how many trails I need to explore this summer. A true friend.
I sat down thinking I was going to dissect my feelings on loneliness, uselessness, and how we’ve only gotten 70 hours of sun in March (do you realize what that DOES TO A PERSON?!?). I guess that’s why I write though, because all those things really aren’t weighing on me as heavily as I thought. Upon further reflection, I have actually done way more than I thought this month. I need to learn how to give myself a break from time to time, I am for sure my own toughest critic. I have so many amazing things going on, and it’s such an exciting time.
I will continue to join clubs that interest me, continue to say “yes” to everything I am invited to, continue to remind myself that both good things take time and that there is a thing called an “off-season” for a reason. I don’t need to be living on the edge 100% of the time to feel like I am squeezing the most out of life.
Moments spent in transition are important, transformative, and such a mysterious time of growth. As long as I am appreciating this time, the growth will continue, and the opportunities will come. I feel like I just opened up a book of blank pages and jumped on in.
Jesus take the wheel.